It Gets Better – Fighting the stigma of depression
by Erin McCalla
On June 23, 2005 my cousin Michael took his life. It was his 28th birthday.
The moment my mother called out to the rest of my family to tell us the news, I let out a cry; I never knew it was possible to make such a noise. My knees gave out and I sat on the stairs and wept. I felt helpless and restless, and it was a feeling that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. In that moment, my life was changed forever. I will never forget it. My cousin, my friend, was gone and there was nothing I could do to change it.
Ironically, when my family got the devastating call, I was in the midst of donating to my friend Meghan’s Out of the Darkness 20-mile walk that is put on annually by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). Her sister, Shannon, took her life the summer of 2002, while Meghan was studying in Europe.
While Shannon was straight, my cousin Michael was gay.
Michael was a kind and loving young man with a magnetic personality. He had countless close friends, a broad smile and an easy laugh. He was a fan of scary movies and was well versed in politics (he was a staunch fiscal Republican). He was intelligent and clever and witty. I looked up to him, and I was lucky to be counted as one of his friends.
But Michael had an incessant need to keep the party going and to please those around him at any cost. He never wanted the laughter to stop, and he had a penchant for tall tales (to put it nicely). He could come across as slick and deceitful at times. His web of lies was so twisted; he felt that he could never untangle it.
I think Michael constantly struggled with who he was and who he wanted to be. I think part of that darkness he carried inside of him was a struggle with his sexuality. And he isn’t the only one… wasn’t the only one.
The stress of coming out, the discrimination that can accompany when finally deciding to come out, the possible drinking and drug use to deal with that rejection and discrimination, can lead to isolation and depression. And that depression, that darkness, can lead to attempting and possibly completing suicide.
The AFSP states, “The emotional crises that usually precede suicide are often recognizable and treatable. Although most depressed people are not suicidal, most suicidal people are depressed. Serious depression can be manifested in obvious sadness, but often it is rather expressed as a loss of pleasure or withdrawal from activities that had been enjoyable. One can help prevent suicide through early recognition and treatment of depression and other psychiatric illnesses.”
Warning signs of suicide include observable signs of serious depression: unrelenting low mood, pessimism, hopelessness, desperation, anxiety, psychic pain and inner tension, withdrawal, sleep problems, increased alcohol and/or other drug use, recent impulsiveness and taking unnecessary risks, threatening suicide or expressing a strong wish to die, unexpected rage or anger, making plans by: giving away prized possessions, suddenly or impulsively purchasing a firearm or obtaining other means of killing oneself such as poisons or medications.
According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, every 14.6 minutes someone in the United States dies by suicide and nearly 1 million people make a suicide attempt every year.
Studies have shown that gay and lesbian youth are two to four times more likely to attempt suicide than straight youth, and transgender youth may be at up to 10 times the risk.
Because of those numbers, The Trevor Project and the It Gets Better Project were started.
The Trevor Project is a national, non-profit organization that was founded in 1998 to serve GLBT youth. By providing a toll-free telephone number, The Trevor Lifeline, gives questioning youth the opportunity to call to speak with a trained counselor in complete confidentiality. The project also provides guidance and vital resources to parents and educators in order to foster safe, accepting and inclusive environments for all youth, at home and at school.
In September 2010, in response to a number of students taking their lives, columnist and author Dan Savage and his partner Terry started the It Gets Better Project. Over 25,000 videos have been posted to the specified YouTube channel telling GLBT youth that life does, in fact, get better.
To date, the project has received submissions from celebrities, organizations, activists, politicians and media personalities, including Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Anne Hathaway, Colin Farrell, Matthew Morrison, Joe Jonas, Ke$ha, Sarah Silverman, Tim Gunn, Ellen DeGeneres, Suze Orman, the staffs of The Gap, Google, Facebook, Pixar, the Broadway community, and many more.
The YouTube channel is where GLBT youth can hear testimonies that love and inclusion can be a reality in their future.
But you can question your identity and slip into depression at any age, and the “It Gets Better” message applies to everyone. It’s never too late to seek help.
Every year since my cousin has been gone, I have participated in one of the AFSP Out of the Darkness fundraising walks. The first year, I joined Meghan in Chicago, and we walked in honor of Shannon and Michael in the 20-mile trek called The Overnight. Since then, my family and I have participated in the 5K Out of the Darkness Community Walk that takes place every October in Fred Beekman Park on the corner of Lane Ave and Kenny Rd. Through my family’s tragedy, I am trying to raise awareness and funds for suicide prevention and mental health education so that another family doesn’t have to feel the same pain and loss. There is an open invitation to join me.
We need to remember that no one told us life was going to be easy, but we also have a responsibility to be kind and decent to one another. You only get one life, and it is filled with the full spectrum of emotions that comes with comedy and tragedy. If current circumstances become too overwhelming for you to handle, there are people out there to help carry your load. I want you to stick around; it gets better.
If you’re feeling dangerously depressed and/or suicidal, please call a counselor or the Trevor Project before you take any action: 866-4-U-TREVOR. For more information about the AFSP, the Trevor Project, Hopeline or the It Gets Better Project, visit afsp.org, TheTrevorProject.org, hopeline.com, or itgetsbetter.org respectively.
